I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
