i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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