Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
