dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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