You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
