i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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