I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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