drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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