he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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