My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the gays at disneyland are vicious
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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