you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
