Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
