Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
