When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
