I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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