I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
