Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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