when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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