1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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