I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
