Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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