if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
