also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
