we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
