Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
