Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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