Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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