Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
