Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
