I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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