Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
