It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
