On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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