Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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