I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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