There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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