Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
