I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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