Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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