Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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