Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
