Sponge bath it is.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
