Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
