He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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