i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
