I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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