remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
