The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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