bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The air was thick with penises
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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