I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
