I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
