I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
