Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
