DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
